…And we’re back! After the last wedding we started up the international travel machine full speed all over again – this time planning to focus on the far east and the down under (not to be confused with The Netherlands (get it???)). Shef had one of her characteristic strokes of genius, and saved us a boatload of cash coming home from Europe – basically booking it as a multi-city trip from europe instead of a one-way flight into the us saved us like 16 hundo. That’s like 16 hundred-dollar bills. Or like 16 hundred dollar bills. Or it’s like 1600 things from a dollar store in Delaware. Take your pick. So we got pumped and arrived in Dubai to ball hard. And by “ball hard,” I mean between the two of us we were sick with like five different things. And also the plane rides over absolutely destroyed my ears – today’s the first day they haven’t been squelching and ringing and it’s the day we leave. Basically, our first three nights were mostly tours of the bed, toilet and bidet. And not in the sexy French way. But we eventually got back on our feet enough to walk around and see the city. The sheer scale and speed of development is ridiculous. In 1979 Dubai had just one high-rise building – now it has over 900. The world’s tallest building is the Burj Khalifa (don’t ask me why they named it after the guy that wrote “Black and Yellow”). It’s almost half a mile high. It went up in just six years. That has to be the worlds fastest and largest erection. Seriously, that’s what it’s called. It’s not vulgar if it’s about a building. Even if all buildings are shaped like pointy robot wangs. It’s hard to tell what exactly Dubai makes or does besides skyscrapers or sweat balls. The touristy part of the city is basically a huge strip, and it’s electrifying to see at night. They call the two social classes here the haves and the have-yachts. It’s such a difference of wealth – you’ll literally see three-room single-floor shacks across the street from a strip of skyscrapers. Basically, anything not geared to people like us (tourists) is kind of a slum, and the people living there are the ones you interact with who actually keep the city running. Almost in spite of this, Dubai sells image and exclusivity, and practically everything you’ve seen a picture of in the west has a dress code if you want to step into it. Seriously, there was a hotel with a bunch of people standing around outside taking pictures (ourselves included) because we weren’t dressed appropriately to enter the fucking lobby. The guard stops me and explains that you have to be dressed “smart casual.” From his more lengthy explanation I gathered it’s a suit without the jacket or the tie. In hundred-plus degree heat. In the middle of the goddamn desert. Basically, smart casual is neither smart nor casual. How the fuck do these idiots have so much money? We crammed some sights into our remaining time (which was now cut to less than half we had intended) – and yes, they really do have an artificial ski slope in the mall. That’s snow ballin’. I assume you get it. Also of note (inside the other epic giant mall) – A two story fish tank. With sharks, sting rays and scuba divers. Seriously. I’d like to tell you we went into some awesome club and saw something unique and amazing but you know we’re not the type stand in line… to pay 80 bucks… to stand in line… to pay too much for drinks. Haha I just realized the perfect tag line for Dubai: A fool and his money are soon parted. Anyway we still had a good time on the cheap but you’ll see more of the real nature behind the city if you can manage to look deeper than gilded steel and glass and people with money to burn. No regrets but I’d still recommend skipping it unless you have something to prove.
[1] http://www.flickr.com/photos/97388931@N08/sets/72157638741714054/